From Rock Bottom to Resilience: How to Turn Adversity into Strategic Wins
Hey, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Ten Steps Ahead. I'm your girl, DeShawn Snow.
Skido Ortiz:And my and the other co host Skido in the building here. I'm still excited about these cards. I'm sorry.
DeShawn Snow:Ten Steps Ahead. This is
Skido Ortiz:so dope. I like this. I'm sorry. I've been holding it like this the whole time.
DeShawn Snow:You're so funny.
Skido Ortiz:What's up, D?
DeShawn Snow:What up, doe?
Skido Ortiz:Man, I still like how y'all say that went up, though, shit. That Detroit shit is so fire. I gotta add that when I go to New York, I'm a start doing that for a while for the whole week.
DeShawn Snow:Represent. Represent. Okay. So today we wanna talk about starting over. You know, I did an interview and a lot of people A lot of questions I got was, you know, how do you start over?
DeShawn Snow:I do like to say, though, it's never starting over, it's starting again. Because now you're going at it from a level of experience that you have from what you went through. So in your life, what have you had to What was a challenging time in your life that had you to pivot where you had to start from the bottom
Kay Davis:-Wow. Start all
Skido Ortiz:True story. When it the worst time I had to start over is when my mother passed.
Skido Ortiz:when she I don't know. Everything looked like it was falling apart. It looked like, I think, I was falling apart. So then I was going through the motions.
DeShawn Snow:Mhmm.
Skido Ortiz:And I was losing things thinking I was in handling my business, but I was gone. And to the point where everything just collapsed. Nothing mattered. Just everything was devastating to me. But then I felt, I said, that was the worst time.
Skido Ortiz:So I'm lose, I lost my mother. Now I'm losing business because I can't focus. Everything doesn't mean anything no more. I lost the love of my life. You know what I'm saying?
Skido Ortiz:So nothing matters no more. Yes. And I went to a bad like, it just got darker and darker to the point, man. I was on was this is a true story. Nobody really knew this.
Skido Ortiz:When my mom, I just went to a dark place and just and I was like, I think I was on I was living in a hotel. Because you're not homeless till you're in the street, I was in a hotel, but I didn't have a place.
DeShawn Snow:Yes.
Skido Ortiz:And I just couldn't get it all together. And then one day, at the darkest moment, I was on the beach. True story I'm sure it is. And I was like, I lost everything. And then my mother, and I'm looking out in the ocean, you know, you know that enemy, that devil.
Skido Ortiz:Yo, you might as well go out there and kill yourself. Ain't nobody gonna care. It's a dark ocean. Just run out there and just kill yourself. And I thought about it.
Skido Ortiz:And then I said, that's what when he was loud in my ear, he's always been loud in my ear since a kid. Mhmm. And that same voice carried on. And I said, yeah, I think I'm gonna and I just started jogging. I said, nigga, you've been trying to kill me since I've been here.
Skido Ortiz:So that kinda woke me up. Mhmm. And it was like so I was about to go on the oysters, made a right, and just started jogging the beach. Nice shot. And after that, I just I was giving every I started motivating myself.
Skido Ortiz:Mhmm. Giving myself. Because I'm hardheaded anyway, so I don't like to be told what to do. So nigga tried to kill me. I'm like, nah.
Skido Ortiz:I think I'm I'm always the opposite anyway.
Kay Davis:Right.
Skido Ortiz:Right. But I just used that as motivation. And, I was in a dark place. And, I was depressed. And, yes, I was lost, and nothing else mattered.
Skido Ortiz:And to come out of that was the hardest time ever in my life. But slowly by slowly, I was building myself up, and and and I got to where I What
DeShawn Snow:was your strength? What what do you think gave you the
Skido Ortiz:strength? The kids.
DeShawn Snow:Okay.
Skido Ortiz:Because I had something to live for. And then sometimes a voice will tell you what you got nothing to live for when you got people that love you and need you here and that's on this earth. It don't have to be kids, it could be family, friends, whatever it is, there's always something to live for. Absolutely. That's a lie.
Skido Ortiz:Then that's what I held onto. And then I just started, I'm myself, I motivate myself. And me and God got closer. Was the
DeShawn Snow:That's the whole point of it all too. Bring you closer to Him.
Skido Ortiz:Yes. And on that note, that was got me And I just never looked back, motivating myself, motivating people. And he said, What you do, I'm gonna make you stronger, uplifting people. And your worst, I want you to speak life into people. But when you got everything, you don't speak life.
Skido Ortiz:At my worst, I was, yo, you can do it. You can speak. I've always been like, but it
DeShawn Snow:got You're filling yourself priest. Mhmm.
Skido Ortiz:And so blessing somebody and speaking life into somebody, it kept building me up. It was like Yeah. I was like, oh. Yeah. He's like, yeah, keep doing it.
Skido Ortiz:I want you to, in your worst, not in your good times, I want That's you to how you're gonna get it back. So me and God had a plan, and that was the plan. I just spoke life into people, motivated people, and didn't have nothing. And all of sudden, from nothing, those pockets started growing
DeShawn Snow:Because you were being obedient.
Skido Ortiz:I was being obedient. Mhmm. And on that note. Yeah. That was my worst.
Skido Ortiz:How about you?
DeShawn Snow:Because when you weak, he is strong.
Skido Ortiz:Yeah. How about you now?
DeShawn Snow:So, no, like, I went on a I can relate, because I went on a season I called it a season of self sabotage. Like, cause I felt like, you know, after my divorce, you know, I couldn't really I didn't like who I was in that moment because, you know, I had my foundation, programs in the schools and all this stuff, I had my own real estate company, all this stuff, so I'm not like this weak woman that can't get, you know, move on. And so I didn't like that. So I was like, I just went on a season of self sabotage because I was like, If I'm a fall off, it's not gonna be because of no man. Let me fall off for some other reason.
DeShawn Snow:So, but God's hand was always over me. He always kept me covered, because I could have easily veered My life could have been totally different. I could have veered off. You know, was drinking, then I didn't like the hangovers.
Skido Ortiz:So you said you was what was you was drinking?
DeShawn Snow:Numb in the pain. You know, when you were trying to numb
Skido Ortiz:the You was drinking, to numb the pain. Yeah, yeah. And when did you get to your breaking point? When it was just getting
DeShawn Snow:After a while, you just get sick and tired of being sick and tired. And so after you get sick and tired of being sick, you're like, something gotta change. And then what I started to because I was not wanting to deal with anything. Like, my journey took a long time, but it doesn't have to take everyone a long time. Mine took a long time because I didn't wanna face it, and I didn't wanna do the work.
Skido Ortiz:So face it meaning
DeShawn Snow:Face your reality. Face where you are. Face your part in it. Do the hard work.
Skido Ortiz:That's why it took longer?
DeShawn Snow:It took me longer, yeah, because it took me a long time to get to that point. I didn't get to that point right away.
Skido Ortiz:Gotcha.
DeShawn Snow:So once I did, then you have to start looking inward. I always say when things happen to you, it's not about what happened to you, it's about, you know, it's not about the thing that happened to you, it's about how you overcome it. Right? So you start first with thinking about what was your part in it. You turn it inward.
DeShawn Snow:It's not about the blame game because that's not helping you grow. So you what's your part in it? And then you start dealing with those. Why did you do this? You know, you start you look in you hold up the mirror, and sometimes you don't like what you see.
Skido Ortiz:So that that moment, I don't wanna go to the moment it snapped. When you was at your lowest and it just hit rock, you know, nobody it was dark. Tell him, go to that moment. Share that.
DeShawn Snow:I can't even remember the exact moment, but it was just a matter of, like, I'm just sick and tired because I'm better than this. I know I'm who God called me to be. I'm not sitting in no bed crying all day. That's not who I am. I just got stuff to do.
DeShawn Snow:And I know I deserve more. I know I deserve more. So you have to do the work. Another thing too I wanna share too, like when you're starting again, you have to let go of your perception of what you thought it was. Because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.
DeShawn Snow:I have an example of And I'm switching time frames, but my youngest son, so the two older sons moved out of state with my ex. I let them go. Mean, had primary physical. We had joint custody, I had primary physical. But I allowed the other two to go, older two, because they wanted to, and he was very hands on.
DeShawn Snow:The youngest one was with me. But when he got to a certain age, you know, he needed to be with his father, so he went. So we had a talk. I remember we were in the hotel lobby, my ex and I, and it was really our first time really, like, having a discussion. This was, like, years later, maybe I don't know how many, like, Were seven still years
Skido Ortiz:dealing with anger and mad when you're sitting in that lobby? No. Well,
DeShawn Snow:it came out, yes. It came out, I was You know, this was years later. And so But we had to talk about my son. And, so we were talking about a couple things. And what I realized in our conversation is that, like, he had one perception of one thing, and it Not talking about the marriage, but stuff like with the kids and things like that, and I had a completely different perspective.
DeShawn Snow:And so, no matter how much I was saying my point, I could see that he just don't get it or wasn't gonna get it. And just like no matter how much he was saying his point, I wasn't gonna
Skido Ortiz:get No, everybody wasn't gonna get So
DeShawn Snow:at that night, when I went up to the room, I was like, you know, Lord, I released this because I What am I gonna do? Hold on to am I being right or whatever? He totally don't even see it the way I see it. So what was the point of me holding on to all this? You have to change your perception.
DeShawn Snow:You have to let it go. It doesn't matter.
Skido Ortiz:So you was holding on to what?
DeShawn Snow:Just like, for example, with the example with the kids, you know, and I felt he was doing one thing, in which he said
Skido Ortiz:he And was not to I'm sorry, but
DeShawn Snow:past that? My idea of what happened in the situation, whatever situation we was talking about. Like, felt one way about the kids, I felt he was doing one thing and he felt I was doing
Skido Ortiz:one And there wasn't him on the court.
DeShawn Snow:We wasn't on the We just saw things differently.
Skido Ortiz:Oh, gotcha.
DeShawn Snow:And us seeing things differently, it was in that moment that I realized, a lot of times we hold on, we have these stories of why things happened, this and that. But at the end of the day, just let it go. Change your perspective. That has nothing to do with anything. It Because it releases you to move on.
DeShawn Snow:It lets Freeze yourself. It frees you.
Skido Ortiz:Yeah, it frees you.
DeShawn Snow:So that was a pivotal, that was a big moment, one of the many moments And in my
Skido Ortiz:look at you now. We look at us now. We on the show talking, I mean, the deliveries from all those things, you know, where we at and how we kept fighting through everything. Because there's always something at the end of the tunnel.
DeShawn Snow:Did you have an moment? Is there one time that you can think of in your many times of starting over where you had to like, you know what, it's not even that deep, let me let it go. Or where you completely had to pivot and change your mindset about a certain thing so that you can flourish.
Skido Ortiz:Well, I had to let that's what the part I was talking about my moms. I had to let the depression, all that go. Because I was it was driving me crazy. That you let when I ran, I let everything go. That was the time because everything else was keeping me bounded.
DeShawn Snow:Right.
Skido Ortiz:You feel what I'm saying?
DeShawn Snow:Mhmm.
Skido Ortiz:If you don't let it go, you're trapped. And I had to just, like, yo, she gone, but I got something to live for.
Kay Davis:Right.
Skido Ortiz:That's when I let her go. And then that was able for me to start growing. And changing, it changed me in a lot, too. And even how I'm handling my kids, my attitude, my, you know, the rough edges that build up through growing up rough in the hood, you know, I had to, you know, be, you know, just learn, I learned more about myself letting it go. Yeah.
Skido Ortiz:Breaking down, every time I broke down, which is nothing wrong with crying, fellas. No, it's You know, saying that sometimes it makes you the strongest man in the world to cry. You know, I wasn't raised like that, but when I finally broke with my mother, God broke me and made me better. So breaking me was to make me better, not to break me. And I had to realize that he broke me to make me whole and new.
Skido Ortiz:Because he broke me,
DeShawn Snow:like, still.
Skido Ortiz:I cry at my moments still to this day. I'll cry by myself. I do that a lot. And I just And it builds me up. It ain't like I do because I miss people.
DeShawn Snow:It's a release.
Skido Ortiz:Do love people. Yeah. So releasing is strength.
DeShawn Snow:Do you have So, because I know you say you've started over many times. So is there a common thing that, you know, each time you started over that helped you?
Skido Ortiz:Yeah.
DeShawn Snow:Like a valuable lesson you took from this and then you were able to utilize here to start over again?
Skido Ortiz:Can't trust everybody.
DeShawn Snow:Okay. So not being so And
Skido Ortiz:you're business. Because you think people when you start something with business, everybody's all jolly and good.
DeShawn Snow:Yeah.
Skido Ortiz:But when that money start kicking in, people get crazy and wicked. So now I had to learn to handle that paperwork, handle your business. People speak that loyalty in the beginning. But when everything starts coming in, it's it's a freaking problem.
DeShawn Snow:Mhmm.
Skido Ortiz:It's always a problem. Just handle your business and people that of which you're gonna respect business. Business respects business.
DeShawn Snow:Right.
Skido Ortiz:It ain't nothing towards you. And if they get defensive, that's manipulation. Like, why we got no. That's business. You know what I'm saying?
Skido Ortiz:That protects you and it protects me. I trust too much. When I give, I give abundantly. But some people ain't like you. They're thinking of they have other motives and things in their head, and just gotta protect yourself and your family.
DeShawn Snow:And then you find like when you give, you give them because that's what you wanna do, not because you're expecting them
Skido Ortiz:No, to I wanna give for them to grow, and then I'll do whatever and help. I love helping people. There's always God put that in me and it begins to dissonate me. But it's disguised by the rough shit people get confused. And I think they get confused is when you do that bullshit with me and how I handle you.
Skido Ortiz:And that was wrong, because I don't do that no more. But I wasn't, oh, I see you in court. I don't know court. Yeah. As on now, I don't know what that is.
Skido Ortiz:I'm not going through lawyers to get to you. You took something from me that took away from my kids. Now I gotta handle you. You know what I'm saying? Not saying that's wrong.
Skido Ortiz:That's the only thing I knew.
DeShawn Snow:Right.
Skido Ortiz:Now I just got discernment on, I think let's handle the paperwork. Let's do good business.
DeShawn Snow:So, when you're starting over, because you've started over multiple times, how do you recognize when it's time to pivot? How do you recognize, like, when it's time to move on and to try something else?
Skido Ortiz:Just don't do the same thing you was doing before.
DeShawn Snow:But even if you're trying something new, and that's still not working.
Skido Ortiz:Just keep moving. You can't there's always a solution to everything. You people just you can't never stop. You just gotta keep going. That's all it is.
Skido Ortiz:How would you do it? I mean, how was when you started these situations, I mean, me, it just kept
DeShawn Snow:moving.
Skido Ortiz:Me Motivating myself.
DeShawn Snow:Me too. Because after a while, you're not getting anywhere. So what's the point? You're wasting time.
Skido Ortiz:Man.
DeShawn Snow:So, I've had to pivot multiple times, all the time. I try stuff because I feel like I have all these anointings and these gifts. And I know it's my purpose and I'm trying to do it, but then sales are not coming and people are not calling, you know. And then it's like, you're frustrated, like, do you do? But you finally have to just release it.
DeShawn Snow:Like, this is the this year, 2025, when I finally, like and I surrender, you surrender all the time as a process, right? You put it down, you keep picking it up. But, you know, God will give you a million chances to get it right. But this year, when I told it, I just felt like now, like, things are just falling into place naturally. But it's not me forcing it.
DeShawn Snow:I'm just open
Skido Ortiz:That you forcing me for?
DeShawn Snow:I was trying to force it. Was trying to get my agenda. Was trying because sometimes I have these gifts, but maybe that's not the way I was doing it. It's not what God had for me, You know? And then sometimes God will make people unavailable because it's not what you're supposed to be doing anyway.
DeShawn Snow:But I will just keep trying to make my point.
Skido Ortiz:So, y'all believe you believe this? So, I always tell people now, don't force nothing.
DeShawn Snow:Right.
Skido Ortiz:Things don't rush nothing and don't force nothing. Something always bad comes out of that. Facts. If it ain't smooth and you don't have peace about it, don't try to squeeze something that's not there.
DeShawn Snow:Right.
Skido Ortiz:That's good business. Yeah. Don't let nobody rush you into stuff. If you feel a certain way, trust your first instinct.
DeShawn Snow:And you have to trust that God has it worked out for you. Because I think in the beginning when I was forcing, and a lot of people when they force, it's because they have this scarcity mindset. They feel like they that has to be it because there's nothing else popping off, so I gotta do it. But you just gotta release because if that's not it, then it's okay. I mean, you know, because that was that's a lot of wasted time again.
Skido Ortiz:Man, there's I'm gonna ask you something. Mhmm. And this is you can share this with me. People, when they dealing with certain people, and them other people ain't even thinking about you, you're thinking about them more than they thinking about you.
Kay Davis:Always fair.
Skido Ortiz:I tell people, if they're not thinking about you, you're consumed in shit that he's not even or she ain't even worrying about.
DeShawn Snow:-Mm
Skido Ortiz:-So you're stressed, your anxiety's up, you're angry, you're depressed, you're going through all this stuff, and that person that did all that to you ain't thinking two things about you.
Kay Davis:-Mm
Skido Ortiz:-And that part, you should hit to yourself and go, You know what? I gotta free myself. Because that dude's on the beach or she's on the beach, she ain't thinking about nothing you going through. You sitting there crying and whining. They don't give a shit about none of that shit.
Kay Davis:-They live a rough -And day in your
Skido Ortiz:on that point is, when you what's that moment when you go, enough is enough?
DeShawn Snow:Right.
Skido Ortiz:Have you ever had did that hit you like that? Have you ever had one of those? When it's just like when you saw that the other person wasn't even Did you ever see did you see it?
DeShawn Snow:Yeah. Well, when they not doing what they're supposed to No,
Skido Ortiz:did you see it like, woah.
DeShawn Snow:No, sometimes you can't see it. -But you're in it. You do see it. You're like, oh, wait a minute, this is I'm better than this. You know, I'm better than this.
DeShawn Snow:I don't have to sit and go through this. But I think, you know, a lot of times we think the best that's ever happened, like, we can't happen again. And so you feel like you always try to recapture or you, you romanticize the memories because you try to make it into what it wasn't. Does that make sense?
Skido Ortiz:Yes. I get it. Yeah. And that's on that makes sense on 10 steps ahead. All this emotions and feelings and all of this.
Skido Ortiz:Like, now, it's getting me thinking this shit, you know, just, wow. You know, sometimes you gotta look back to see where you at.
DeShawn Snow:-That's right. -Right? Because sometimes you forget. Sometimes But I'm a I used to always, I always tell people when you go through stuff, just write it out. One, it gets it out of you because you can't let it stay bottled up.
DeShawn Snow:Yes. And then, two, you can write your emotions in real time because one day that could be your book. You know what I'm saying? All that stuff. And then if you're trying to write the book later and you're trying to remember that feeling, but if you can go back, I can go back to old journals and read it and be like, wow.
DeShawn Snow:You know, and then you could just be amazed by how much you've grown and how God moved in your life. So I think it's important to, like, write it out, but then you can't stay stuck in a spot where you have to be able to change and to pivot because what happens, you it's so much more on the other side. You have to be you can't lose hope. I guess I wanna say, did you ever get to a chance place where
Skido Ortiz:Yeah, you lost it's close. But it's on that. But you know what? I wanted to ask you something because I was watching you on the Nene Mhmm. Nick Lake show.
Skido Ortiz:Nene Leakes. Mhmm. Nene Nick. Nene Leeks. Leeks.
Skido Ortiz:Nene. Leakes. I love Nene. We had But get on the when she said she was checking on you Yeah. And you were shut down.
DeShawn Snow:Mhmm.
Skido Ortiz:But I was, like, watching. Was, yo, she didn't even care about the show and all you know, what she was on. She was very concerned. I was I never knew that, you know
DeShawn Snow:That's why wanted to say that on public.
Skido Ortiz:When you said that, you said thank you for doing that, that was real to me. I was like, yo, Dee, that's hot. Because she didn't have to do all of that. She did. And then you acknowledged that and said that on the show.
Skido Ortiz:I thought that was dope.
DeShawn Snow:That was important to me because a lot of people, you know, they say whatever they say about her.
Skido Ortiz:Look at your phone when you're at your darkest moments and see who's on those texts. That's when you know who's real, y'all. Look at your phone when you come out that dark and you go, and just check all the messages, and the one that's on there the most got a lot of love for you. I mean, that's how I would say it, you know. I don't know.
Skido Ortiz:That's what these damn texts is all about, phone calls.
DeShawn Snow:It's hard for your circle, because when you're in the pit, you know what I'm saying, they wanna get in there with you, but they wanna pull you out. And another thing, when you're going through something, even for people, if you have somebody that you love, you can talk to them till they're blue in the face. Until they're able to receive it, they're not gonna do it, but you cannot get mad at them and you can't write them off. Just be there because eventually they will wake up. Eventually, like, with me, you know, people could say stuff to me till they're blue in the face, but if I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready.
DeShawn Snow:But once I got ready, then if you're still there, and it's not like I told you so, whatever, you're just there genuinely and you're there to help guide them out of the thing, that's the best advice I can say, because don't write them off, know, and you can't make you can still say it because they listening, they remember it, but you can't make them do it faster than they're able to.
Skido Ortiz:You can't and I receive that. See, I'm learning just listening to you, I'm like, yeah, that's some you know, I I feel like my life is a book. -You know, life is a book.
DeShawn Snow:-Exactly.
Skido Ortiz:That's why she said write it down.
DeShawn Snow:-Write it down because of turn
Skido Ortiz:a negative into a positive.
DeShawn Snow:Can turn that thing into a course. Make that a book. You can make it a light, you know, script. You know, God pain you never let the pain go to waste. There's no point in that.
DeShawn Snow:You went through too much stuff to let it go to waste.
Skido Ortiz:It's good to hold on to some pain that drives you. You know, not pain to devastate you, but just keeping an edge on you, just to you know, it's right there on your shoulder. You know what you came through. You can't where you came from.
DeShawn Snow:Right.
Skido Ortiz:Just not to make it to know that. Listen, see where you came from?
DeShawn Snow:I don't need to be reminded.
Skido Ortiz:This could be not reminded in a bad way.
Kay Davis:Yeah, yeah.
Skido Ortiz:Reminded on something. I came through this.
DeShawn Snow:Well, that's why you have
Skido Ortiz:a scar. Like to be comfortable.
DeShawn Snow:You know I'm saying? Scar is like So sometimes scar if you I was get uncomfortable.
Skido Ortiz:think me making myself uncomfortable has made me successful. Right. Meaning, I'm never forgetting where I came from and who I who I am.
DeShawn Snow:Right.
Skido Ortiz:I don't care how much money, where I came from and who I am. Where I came from is what made me who I am. Mhmm. And those you gotta see from the beginning to where you are. You can't get lost in the middle.
Skido Ortiz:That's what keep you structured. That will keep you stable.
DeShawn Snow:Will keep
Skido Ortiz:you real. That's what keeps me. I don't know what keeps everybody else. Because people will start here and forget everything in the middle. And then when they get there, forget they they get so bad, they forget where they came.
Skido Ortiz:And that's an old saying, but because they try to forget things, but those things is the ones that made them who they are.
DeShawn Snow:Well, life is about the journey. It's not about the destination. Yeah. It's how all the growth and stuff happens in the journey, and it's purposeful.
Skido Ortiz:Yeah.
DeShawn Snow:It's purposeful. It's what needs to be worked out in you so that you can be ready for what he really has in store for you.
Skido Ortiz:Yeah. You're doing some doctor stuff. Doing on today, man. You've been on today. I like that receiving that in my
DeShawn Snow:spirit. Amen. Amen.
Skido Ortiz:Yo, I'm loving I've been loving this show. We've been keeping it real, and I like the way we just interact. And our whole journey on Test Episode Heads is to help the next. Right. If somebody gets something out of it, we're not holding nothing back.
Skido Ortiz:We're sharing our own personal lives. And I know everybody sees us, you know, evolving in these shows, and now y'all gonna y'all about to see some guests coming on. You know, we was getting warmed up, But we just wanted to show who we was.
DeShawn Snow:Right. And it's about taking life's challenges and making strategic moves Absolutely. With Chestnut checkers.
Skido Ortiz:Chestnut checkers. Stop playing with me. I'm sorry. I'm getting a little excited. Keep my hands Anyway.
Skido Ortiz:Out of the
DeShawn Snow:Alright, everyone. But,
Skido Ortiz:everyone, I'm so excited. You know, thank you today. Shawn, you've been on. You was you was lightening up today. You was sharp today.
DeShawn Snow:Thank you.
Skido Ortiz:And then I I had to listen a lot. You know, I was like, wow. I was receiving everything you were saying.
DeShawn Snow:Thank you. Thank you. You always give us nuggets. You were always, like, talking this sense into me.
Skido Ortiz:Are you looking forward to you know, this is like we're just our last two episodes. Now we're gonna start having guests on. It's gonna be on in part. It's gonna be exciting. What you feel about that?
DeShawn Snow:I'm excited. I'm excited. Yeah. Because I feel like everybody has a journey, and, you know, we're not gonna just talk about the surface stuff, I you
Skido Ortiz:love it. But I'm here at Skeeto on 10 Steps Ahead. And I know you've been seeing me do these cards because the show and made
DeShawn Snow:sure that
Skido Ortiz:everything was on point. You see how I'm promoting? Yes. See, sister, at and
DeShawn Snow:get the merch.
Skido Ortiz:You get the merch. Getting all of that. That's just the way I'm doing this because I was proud what my sister did. She put it all together. It takes, you know, teamwork, makes the dream work.
Skido Ortiz:You know what I'm saying?
DeShawn Snow:All right. So let's keep the conversation going. I got baby sis coming up for her segment. Let's talk about it.
Skido Ortiz:I love it, man.
DeShawn Snow:Hey, guys. Welcome back to 10 Steps Ahead. I have baby sis, Kay, in the building. What
Kay Davis:up, doe?
DeShawn Snow:Let's talk about it.
Skido Ortiz:Let's talk about
Kay Davis:it. Talk about it. Hey, Ski Do. How are you?
DeShawn Snow:Alright. Alright.
Kay Davis:Sis, how you doing?
DeShawn Snow:I'm well.
Kay Davis:Okay, great. Okay. Y'all ready? Yes. Because I just got a couple of things.
Kay Davis:These questions, by the way, they're not on the cards. They just come off the top of my head. Let's be clear about that. So the first question I have is, do you guys think that people abuse their ability to have a platform nowadays when you look at the reflection of society? You know, like back in the day, it wasn't a platform, it was where you grew up and who you grew up around and things like that.
Kay Davis:But now you got influencers that just become influencers because they in the camera all day. Not saying they don't have substance, but like, do you think some of those people, like, abuse their platform?
DeShawn Snow:Like not using it for To help
Kay Davis:For good purposes, because there's so much chaos, like And then starting with the quote unquote YNs and things like that, you know what I mean? Like, knowing all the mental issues and things that we have going on, do you think some people abuse their platform?
DeShawn Snow:I think they're irresponsible.
Kay Davis:With the platform.
DeShawn Snow:You know, so is that the same as abuse, you know? Yes. Because I think a lot of times people don't realize the impact they have or the influence they have.
Kay Davis:Right.
DeShawn Snow:And so they're on there talking reckless. But they themselves might just be reckless and don't know any better. Yeah.
Skido Ortiz:That's They think because they got a camera, they take advantage of that. And they front out there like they're really doing something. I don't I do see a lot of that.
Kay Davis:Okay.
Skido Ortiz:They do take advantage of that. And it's flooded out there with that. Not everybody with a camera is doing something.
Kay Davis:Right. And it's not always the artist. Like, you know, our influencers used to be, like, teachers, church folks and things like that. Hey, church. Come on now.
Kay Davis:Amen. Church on the move. Okay.
DeShawn Snow:So the next question,
Kay Davis:I was just wondering about starting over. How do you feel about starting over? Like, when you come from or when you're going through certain things, and not so much a trauma to where it has to be a marriage, just it could be a failed project at a job and you got discouraged, or somebody could fail nursing school and have to start over and things like that. Like, what motivates you to keep going when you start over, when you're starting I think the
DeShawn Snow:first thing is mindset. You have to know that some because for the longest, I would, a closed door, I would try to beat that thing down. And sometimes a closed door is God's, you know man's rejection is God's protection. So I've since learned that, you know, if it's that's just not for me at this moment.
Kay Davis:Come on.
DeShawn Snow:I don't take any, you know, offense to it. I just redirect myself. So if you have that mindset, like because there's no such thing as failure. Success is just falling, failing forward, right? And so, if you have that mindset, not like it's a negative, you focus on what you learned from it, so that's a positive.
DeShawn Snow:That's something, you know, that you can save yourself time on the next time around. So if you don't look at it as a negative, and you know that, okay, that's just not what God has for me at this moment, then it's easier for you to pivot and do whatever you need to do. Does that
Skido Ortiz:make sense?
Kay Davis:Yeah, you say not to look at the negative. I look at it like negativity turns into motivation for me. You tell me I can't do it, I'm a do it tenfold, right? So, that's some people.
Skido Ortiz:Everybody's different. Yeah. And on that, and it is mindset to me. So when I've lost and started over plenty of times. But then when you get to that bottom, just know that it's not over.
DeShawn Snow:That's right. Can only
Skido Ortiz:go up. Yeah, don't keep, because that's when depression and all that thing hit. Just shake it off. You live in, you breathe in, and there's always a solution. And just trust yourself.
Skido Ortiz:You know what I'm saying? You have your you've given yourself a couple of days, and shake that shit off, and start that, that, what got you to the top before you lost it, remember that. It's all mindset. And just remember that hustle and go right back into that same hustle.
DeShawn Snow:Right. And then also is too, because like one of the things, and I'll just I'm just using I mean, I had other failures besides my marriage or whatever, but for the longest I thought, like, oh, my life is over. But that's limiting God. Like and I had the breakthrough for me was when I realized, you know, God had a plan for me before I was even formed in my mother's womb, before I met my ex husband, before all of that. So just because he's not in the picture, it has nothing to do with You God's plan for
Kay Davis:know, God failed. It just ended.
DeShawn Snow:It just Okay.
Kay Davis:It was time for it
Skido Ortiz:to end, that's I'm telling you.
Kay Davis:I had that going.
DeShawn Snow:But, yes, but I'm just saying, so when you look at it like, you know, it doesn't define anything. You know what I'm saying? God's plan for you is still God's plan
Skido Ortiz:for you. Keep it moving. Keep going. Don't give up on nothing. It's like
DeShawn Snow:And don't get discouraged.
Skido Ortiz:We all go through things. Just stay the course. And if you don't believe, tap your own
Kay Davis:Own cheerleader.
Skido Ortiz:Because you be don't and here's the thing. I gotta say this. Don't look for other people to build you up.
Kay Davis:That's right.
Skido Ortiz:That's the worst thing you could do. You only could build yourself up. You understand? Because the way they build you up might make you crash worse than how
DeShawn Snow:you slept. Because what
Kay Davis:they say, crabs in a bucket. Lot of people like you to stay.
Skido Ortiz:They'll be building you up to
DeShawn Snow:set you up
Skido Ortiz:the full.
Kay Davis:Long as you don't go farther than them.
Skido Ortiz:That's real. Yeah.
DeShawn Snow:Okay. And try not to be around those kind of people, though.
Kay Davis:They everywhere, though. They everywhere. Level coming on, different disguises.
Skido Ortiz:Stop being people pleasers.
Kay Davis:Yeah.
Skido Ortiz:That shit gets you in a lot of trouble too, and with bad friends too. You feel like you need a crowd or you need I need somebody around you.
DeShawn Snow:Validation, What
Skido Ortiz:you need is motivation to know who you are as a You keep thinking you need people. People going through their own problems, and then they don't have the good attention for you. So start being people pleasing and be yourself. Be love yourself. And that's that's gonna get you even further in life and get you, when you lose everything, get you up faster.
Kay Davis:Yeah. True.
DeShawn Snow:Absolutely. And then a lot of that is too is what is you was stuff you're just built for it. Like, you're not built to break.
Skido Ortiz:Yeah. You know how that go.
DeShawn Snow:Yeah. Yeah.
Skido Ortiz:D? If we in the double D? Okay. I love these questions. Yeah.
Kay Davis:Oh, okay. I got one more. Let's see.
Skido Ortiz:Bring it.
Kay Davis:Name one thing in your childhood that you think you carried today that affects you, whether it's you making wrong decisions or right ones. Name one thing in your childhood that you think affects you. That's a great
Skido Ortiz:question. Me,
Kay Davis:I think it could be how we was raised. Spoiled? No. I know you ain't talking.
Skido Ortiz:Was walking in hospital. How you know it What? Walking in a circle. Everybody got their own different thing. It is?
Kay Davis:Okay. Maybe I wasn't, but I was not spoiled.
DeShawn Snow:I like, Okay.
Skido Ortiz:Was asking that question.
Kay Davis:It felt like it I was always yeah. I was not spoiled. She was spoiled.
Skido Ortiz:Okay. Okay. So what what what what's the quest the question?
Kay Davis:Okay. One thing from your childhood. I just had to get that out because she she put it out there.
DeShawn Snow:Oh, what is your way? What is
Skido Ortiz:your one thing?
Kay Davis:It was probably how we grew up. Things like we didn't have no Cosby Show lifestyle. You know what I'm saying? But if peep some people, if they were in our situation, they probably wouldn't have took it the way that we did. Again, we took negativity and turned it into motivation, hence makes us where we at today.
Kay Davis:You know what I'm saying? A lot of people, I feel like if I put the shoes on your feet and I laced them, you still couldn't walk in them. You know what I'm saying? So it that's what I take, how What we grow you take
DeShawn Snow:from One Thing from your childhood.
Skido Ortiz:I'm a
DeShawn Snow:think on it. We go to ski.
Skido Ortiz:Oh, thing that
DeShawn Snow:Yes, I don't know. It's a lot.
Kay Davis:There's that.
DeShawn Snow:You might help me with Let's see what Skeetup has to say.
Skido Ortiz:I don't know. My pride.
Kay Davis:The pride? Did something happen to make you realize that you moving
Skido Ortiz:or Well, when I was a kid, when I from the when I knew I was by myself.
Kay Davis:Okay.
Skido Ortiz:That's so the pride helped me, be strong. I'm not saying but it but it never turned off. It got stronger. So but because of the situations dealing with being living in everybody's house, I wasn't ever stable. My mom's on drugs and all that.
Skido Ortiz:So I had to, as a young man, had to become older than I was. So that pride kept me, but it also messed up a lot of things, future. So now I balance to relax. So if you deal with a lot of pride, you gotta chip away at that shit because that could be a disaster. Downfall.
Kay Davis:Yeah, for sure.
DeShawn Snow:And then for me, give me some options.
Skido Ortiz:-No, she can't give any options on
DeShawn Snow:you. -ask me the question again. Have to be Girl, girl. That I had grow up with that I have with me today. My determination?
Kay Davis:-No, girl.
DeShawn Snow:-Oh. -No, but -No. Possible voice would be something bad. Doesn't have
Kay Davis:to be something bad, but just Like, something in your hence, why do you shut down? I know you spoke about that on another episode.
DeShawn Snow:Oh, do I shut down?
Kay Davis:No, was saying.
DeShawn Snow:I do shut down.
Kay Davis:Mhmm.
DeShawn Snow:Oh, maybe from my childhood I had to shut Yeah.
Skido Ortiz:Something.
Kay Davis:Yeah. She compromised Is a
Skido Ortiz:your brain blocked? Got to therapy another show we could do. I will
DeShawn Snow:try to EDMR. No. She's a
Kay Davis:to lot a of Falling on doctors. Sometimes it comes across it could come across cold. Like, because she bottles it up, like, just puts it to the side.
DeShawn Snow:I just feel like you know it.
Skido Ortiz:So you know what?
DeShawn Snow:I'd be like, oh, okay.
Skido Ortiz:Let's get a doctor to help all of us. Yeah. Because something's blocked up there. No, And then something and then I just got unblocked. You know what I'm saying?
Skido Ortiz:I was blocked out for a minute or I'm just telling y'all
DeShawn Snow:how Oh, to I didn't block you. So But no, I mean, we didn't grow up. I mean, we have these circuit defense mechanisms, you know what I'm saying? We have that. But then sometimes, though, that doesn't serve us in the current moment.
DeShawn Snow:Right. So I'm
Skido Ortiz:I don't think
DeShawn Snow:on that. It's probably some stuff that I still am using tools that is not serving me in this moment.
Kay Davis:Right. Exactly.
DeShawn Snow:Mhmm. Such
Skido Ortiz:as Well,
Kay Davis:because people tend to build fences. Right?
DeShawn Snow:Oh, have a fence.
Kay Davis:That's a coping mechanism. You tend But there are unhealthy fences because it doesn't help you connect with the next person. It just helps you think you internalize what's going on, and somebody's supposed to put up with how you respond. Yeah. But I'm open.
Kay Davis:You're not. Open to what? I'm open
DeShawn Snow:to the feeling
Skido Ortiz:going on in here. Dude, like,
DeShawn Snow:I'm open to the possibility I'm not shut shut down.
Kay Davis:You're not. Mm-mm. So okay.
Skido Ortiz:Okay. So let me ask y'all something. Gotta intervene Go ahead. Nobody knows y'all better than y'all growing up in the
Kay Davis:same house.
Skido Ortiz:You share
Kay Davis:your same bed.
Skido Ortiz:So sometimes you got she's been watching you, and you've been watching her. Ain't nobody outside this world would know her better than you. So it's good to accept what she's saying because she's looking from the outside, not to make you bottle up to go, they love you, and they're looking at you going, these are the issues, not to condemn you, to make you better. And ain't nobody outside know it better than the ones you grew up with.
DeShawn Snow:That's facts. That's facts. I received that.
Kay Davis:But you know that. I'm not No,
Skido Ortiz:I understand.
DeShawn Snow:But I want to learn.
Kay Davis:Do you?
DeShawn Snow:Yes. She do. Would wanna be a better person.
Kay Davis:She knows. Because that other episode, he talked about you wanna what did you say? You wanna practice. You don't have to who you gonna practice on? You can start by just practicing how you interact with people.
Kay Davis:That would help.
Skido Ortiz:That's good.
Kay Davis:Oh, whether it's a male or a female. You just
Skido Ortiz:I think
DeShawn Snow:I interact fine, though.
Skido Ortiz:Oh, Yes.
DeShawn Snow:Don't we interact?
Skido Ortiz:No. You can't. You're working on yourself.
DeShawn Snow:I'm working on myself.
Skido Ortiz:That's the word. It's a work in progress. You get what I'm saying?
DeShawn Snow:Yes.
Skido Ortiz:And we all are work in progress.
DeShawn Snow:We work in progress. So you can't say
Skido Ortiz:I'm okay. You're not
DeShawn Snow:a No. No
Skido Ortiz:one's We're ever always working. Yeah. I agree with that?
DeShawn Snow:I agree.
Kay Davis:I agree.
DeShawn Snow:I'm a work in progress.
Kay Davis:Growth is always It's the evolution. Yeah. But with elevating comes elimination and isolation too. So probably gotta
Skido Ortiz:pop up. Isolation.
DeShawn Snow:You know, love to elevate. Twistle, wellness brand. Oh, Evolve and elevate. What did say? Wellness?
DeShawn Snow:Brand.
Skido Ortiz:Oh, the brand. Yes, please. But that all the weights in the world ain't gonna help all that.
DeShawn Snow:Hello.
Skido Ortiz:That's I lift all the weights.
Kay Davis:Hey, lift them if
DeShawn Snow:you're carrying them. Don't know. You can't How lift them if you're carrying
Skido Ortiz:the hell you act towards people? Lift weights, still act crazy when I leave the gym. Yeah. That's not healing. That's just that's just so making you feel better.
Skido Ortiz:But mentally, healing's inside your soul and spirit and receiving from people that love you. Absolutely. If you can't receive, then you're gonna hit a hard you're gonna keep hitting walls.
DeShawn Snow:You'll never get because
Kay Davis:you don't have yes men. Like, I'm not a yes I she'd know that off top. Don't She'd
DeShawn Snow:know know
Skido Ortiz:Oh, yeah. Oh,
Kay Davis:yeah. Will But I don't surround myself
DeShawn Snow:with yes men. Oh.
Skido Ortiz:No, you don't know what yes Not anymore. No, no, stop. Stop.
DeShawn Snow:Coco, come on
Skido Ortiz:with it.
DeShawn Snow:Because, honey, nobody telling me yes. And nobody telling me yes.
Skido Ortiz:Yes, Chunky, that's so good. You think a yes person's gonna tell you they're a person. Don't tell you they're a yes person. Correct. They just don't even They know just bump you up and laugh at you all.
Kay Davis:And keep you with it.
Skido Ortiz:And it'd be bullshit. Nobody knows what a yes person People that always agree. The truth is when The truth is when you don't like to hear
Kay Davis:Christianity. The ones I really care about.
Skido Ortiz:Those are the ones, you know Some people don't like it because they like to be stroked. They like to be comf They don't like to be uncomfortable. And when we uncomfortable, we act, we shut down. We don't like we don't wanna hear it because it triggers shit in us. To be real, to heal, is let it trigger you to heal.
Skido Ortiz:That's the way to go through the process. That's what don't wanna go through. That's why we should getting doctors here. We're have doctors coming on here.
Kay Davis:You also gotta listen.
Skido Ortiz:Right? That's Yes. Receive.
Kay Davis:He said that that was the one thing you had to do with the man, and you just went right over it. So,
DeShawn Snow:like, did you say that?
Skido Ortiz:I don't know what I'm saying. Sometimes I
DeShawn Snow:just know. I will
Skido Ortiz:just trust say what I say for my own.
DeShawn Snow:God sent me a man. I am gonna be listening. I'm a be all ears.
Skido Ortiz:Oh, Woah. Time out. Time out. Gotta be straight before you get the man. You gotta listen now because you gotta work on it now before God send I mean, I'm not talking to God, but I will want you right before you came into my life.
Skido Ortiz:True. You know what I'm saying? Because you can't come with that mess. Especially when I'm you know, you reach a certain age where you good, you're like, nah, I wanna try, I wanna enjoy myself. But by that time, I think you're gonna be good.
DeShawn Snow:Okay.
Skido Ortiz:That's what
Kay Davis:we're Not always right, but because you don't want nobody perfect.
DeShawn Snow:Yeah. No one's perfect. No one's perfect
Skido Ortiz:for Oh my
DeShawn Snow:all off. Alright. Well, this was a very lively discussion. Thank She was at the doctor's Let's talk about it.
Kay Davis:Let's about Let's talk
Skido Ortiz:Let's about it with Kay. I love that. When she gets on this show, brings a different light, and I love it, man. Respect I it, man.
Kay Davis:Thank you.
Skido Ortiz:God bless you.
DeShawn Snow:Thank you. But thank you everyone for tuning in for this episode of 10 Steps Ahead. Love and lies.
Skido Ortiz:Let's go.
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