Ten Steps Ahead Podcast

DeShawn Snow: 00:22

Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Ten Steps Ahead. What up, Skido?

Skido Ortiz: 00:27

What's up, Dee? What's going on?

DeShawn Snow: 00:29

Not much.

Skido Ortiz: 00:30

Hey, a I ain't gonna lie to you. I'm sorry to jump, but You see these cards?

DeShawn Snow: 00:34

Got our note cards.

Skido Ortiz: 00:35

I love these cards. This is so fire. I appreciate you making all the business is on point.

DeShawn Snow: 00:41

Of course, of course.

Skido Ortiz: 00:42

Yeah, man. How are you doing?

DeShawn Snow: 00:44

I am doing well. I had a blessed weekend, lots of activities, and I'm ready to start the week.

Skido Ortiz: 00:49

You know, of this, we be on our business. We be traveling, doing a lot of business out here. So I'm happy to be back on the show doing this with you.

DeShawn Snow: 00:57

Amen. Let's go. Let's go. So we got a lot of good topics today. Wanna talk about friendships and nurturing relationships and things like that.

Skido Ortiz: 01:05

Absolutely.

DeShawn Snow: 01:06

So, like, I have, like, a very tight inner circle. I have a couple of my friends, I've known them for, like, since I was, like, six years old. -Yeah. -And then I have a couple from the different phases of my life, but that are really close to me. So do you travel?

DeShawn Snow: 01:20

Do you have a lot of friends or just a really

Skido Ortiz: 01:21

tight couple I got a lot of friends, but I'm always have a lot of great friends. But it's small, but I know thousands of people. But I'm always alone. Yeah. A lot.

Skido Ortiz: 01:32

But when I do spend that time with them, I spend that time with them. Okay. Which is I just, I have so much, I can't, you know, it spreads too thin sometimes.

DeShawn Snow: 01:39

Right, right. So how do you determine who makes it into your inner circle?

Skido Ortiz: 01:43

Wow, boy, I put you through a mess. Because my personality's crazy. I don't say them, I'm just dealing with me.

DeShawn Snow: 01:50

Right, right.

Skido Ortiz: 01:51

And I just have a short I'm learning more patience. You know, we were talking about that. But through friends, I mean, used to be a trip, but actually through good friends, learn to be better. Yes. Been listening They hold you accountable.

Skido Ortiz: 02:05

Yeah. They hold me accountable. They've been telling me a lot when I'm doing good, when I'm off. You know, I don't hang up on them quick. I don't, you know, buy before buy, I'm hanging up.

Skido Ortiz: 02:14

You know, all kind of bad habits. But it's good to have.

DeShawn Snow: 02:16

So do you have certain friends that, you know, that you can talk to about certain things, certain friends you bring to certain events? Like, you know, as a collective, they're all there. But do you have gravitate to one for a particular thing?

Skido Ortiz: 02:30

Does that make sense? To be honest with you, the real serious issues, I give it to God. I learned that. I can't give it to people because they'll sometimes they just stir you in two different ways, but I always can trust And two, I can't bring all some of my friends, you gotta understand.

DeShawn Snow: 02:44

They don't collect.

Skido Ortiz: 02:45

Come from the hood. So I done grew out the hood, but I still have family in the hood. I can't invite them to certain things because their triggers are different. Right. No, you're not coming to this red carpet because next to you there's a bro going on to the left.

Skido Ortiz: 02:58

So I know who to invite in certain places and have a bunch of different How about you?

DeShawn Snow: 03:02

Same, same. So I have, like, several friends. I have one friend, my one I mean, they're all my good friends, my homegirl Kenya, we've been known each other, we stayed across the street from each other for years. She is a place where I can feel emotionally safe. I can be vulnerable.

DeShawn Snow: 03:19

I can be transparent. I mean, knows

Skido Ortiz: 03:21

She's your best. One of

Karesia Davis: 03:22

your besties.

DeShawn Snow: 03:22

She's the besties. Yeah. I mean, with her, because she Like, she won't let me talk bad about her friend. So when I get to talking, like, the negative self talk and all of that She shuts it down. She shuts it down.

Skido Ortiz: 03:31

That's what stops

DeShawn Snow: 03:32

her into me.

Skido Ortiz: 03:33

That's a friend.

DeShawn Snow: 03:33

They all do. Yeah. But then I have my homegirl, Kianna, which you know her, and, you know, she's

Skido Ortiz: 03:38

Kianna's crazy.

DeShawn Snow: 03:38

Yeah. And I know her from the NBA world. So whenever I have stuff to do with that, I call up Key. She knows how to move in those circles, and she keeps she's my she holds me down as well. So I have several I have about five or six really,

Skido Ortiz: 03:51

really In your circle?

DeShawn Snow: 03:52

In my circle.

Skido Ortiz: 03:52

In rest

DeShawn Snow: 03:52

of the close circle. And then, of course, I have my sisters too.

Skido Ortiz: 03:55

Oh, your sisters and Elijah and all, you know, y'all, they hold every when I see them, I see them. Yeah. Of Especially Elijah. Course. Always making in the same time, business and making sure you look good.

DeShawn Snow: 04:07

That's right. Because sometimes friends, family, friends become family.

Skido Ortiz: 04:10

Absolutely. Absolutely.

DeShawn Snow: 04:11

So let's talk about authenticity in friendship. How how important is it to you to be able to show up what does it mean to show up authentically in a friendship?

Skido Ortiz: 04:22

Okay. To show up. Break that down. What's your life?

DeShawn Snow: 04:25

So, like, you know, as your true self. Like, because obviously there has to be trust there. You have to be safe, feel safe so that you can show up. Because really authenticity because, you know, you can give you have surface level friends, you know, which you can't really go deep, and you can't really trust them.

Skido Ortiz: 04:41

I come as myself.

DeShawn Snow: 04:43

In all

Karesia Davis: 04:44

Without the gate. Okay.

Skido Ortiz: 04:46

So because I don't got time I don't I'm not here to make your world comfortable or prove who I am to anybody. Yeah. I'm just me. So at the end of the day and I I try to throw it all on the table to get it out the way. If you can't mess with it, I'd be bi.

Skido Ortiz: 05:01

Because my heart is in a good place, but my time means everything to me. Right. How about you?

DeShawn Snow: 05:07

Same. And then I like that my really good friends, although they will pull me to the side, because sometimes not so much now, though, actually, because I'm in a good space. Oh. I'm, like, the happiest I've ever been. Oh, good.

DeShawn Snow: 05:19

But, a lot of times in the past, like, I was shut down and then, like, they calling me, checking on me, won't even call them back. Not to be rude or anything, it's just that I just didn't feel like talking.

Skido Ortiz: 05:30

What made you shut that what do you mean, your reason? Made you shut?

DeShawn Snow: 05:33

Life. If I'm going through something and I don't feel like talking about

Skido Ortiz: 05:35

Was it something I mean, look because you just smile, you glowing right now.

DeShawn Snow: 05:39

Because I ain't on that no more. Nothing can

Skido Ortiz: 05:41

help me out.

DeShawn Snow: 05:42

Different things. It could be disappointing, you know, if I don't get a client.

Skido Ortiz: 05:46

It shut you down that quick?

DeShawn Snow: 05:47

Because I was it was triggering.

Skido Ortiz: 05:49

Triggering from what?

DeShawn Snow: 05:50

Just rejection, abandonment, things like I got you. So sometimes or even just whatever, if I'm just having the blues. And so I will not answer or whatever. And then But they would get upset a little bit because they just trying to make sure I'm okay. So sometimes they'll be like, look, you ain't gonna answer the phone, just hit the like button or something, let me know you're okay.

Skido Ortiz: 06:08

You're breathing.

DeShawn Snow: 06:09

Right.

Skido Ortiz: 06:09

They wanna make sure you're okay. That's love right there.

DeShawn Snow: 06:12

But the good friends, you know, they not like, you ain't called me and you ain't you know, because even if I'm busy or something, they understand. So I have some girlfriends I don't talk to all the time, but then when I talk to them, then I'm on the phone with them for two or three hours.

Skido Ortiz: 06:27

I gotcha.

DeShawn Snow: 06:28

And it's like we never miss a beat.

Skido Ortiz: 06:29

Nah, that's good. Every friend is different. All my people understand me.

DeShawn Snow: 06:34

First,

Skido Ortiz: 06:35

you gotta have friends that understand you. And then they don't take it personal when you don't call them Now, you'll hear it when they hit you, man, you can't call it it don't be that high. But they know I'm not ignoring them on purpose.

DeShawn Snow: 06:48

Right.

Skido Ortiz: 06:48

I'm working. I'm taking care of my family. I'm trying and at the same time, I got friends doing great things. Mhmm. So when they're trying to do great things, me just being a team, wanting everybody to win, I'm always trying to pull people in in everything I do to show, just like right now, affiliated.

Skido Ortiz: 07:07

This is my man's design. This is one of my friends in twenty five, thirty years.

Karesia Davis: 07:11

Oh, wow.

Skido Ortiz: 07:11

You know what saying? Play with purpose. This is the hottest shit. I had to go get a hat, fly a chair. I spent the day with him.

Skido Ortiz: 07:17

Mhmm. And I don't see him. He's traveling to London. And now he's about to do the Olympics. I mean, this is we'll have that down the road.

Skido Ortiz: 07:23

But I love seeing growth. You see? I love seeing people help each other.

DeShawn Snow: 07:28

So

Skido Ortiz: 07:28

that on that note, you know?

DeShawn Snow: 07:30

And then sometimes, like, I may not always be on top of things or may not always call, but they know whenever any of them need me, I show up. So even if I'm not returning the calls or even if I'm not initiating the things, they know they can count on me when it's going You

Skido Ortiz: 07:47

need that. You being around fake yes people. And then when shit hits the fan and you done, all them yes people are gone. Like, you need people to hold you accountable. You need like, people don't wanna hear truth.

Skido Ortiz: 07:59

Right. Sometimes I get aggravated. I'd be like, yo, I don't wanna hear that. But then it's real, so I gotta accept it. Yeah.

Skido Ortiz: 08:04

To be real is you can't say I'm real. They don't accept real when they talk to you. Then that's you kinda that's, you know

Karesia Davis: 08:11

Contradictive.

Skido Ortiz: 08:12

Yeah. Come on. Stop. So on that note, I love the real because it shows how much love they got for me.

DeShawn Snow: 08:20

Yourself, and you don't have to feel judged or fearful or anything like Yeah.

Skido Ortiz: 08:24

People live for I don't I know. You know this. The thing is with me, everybody's different. I don't judge. I let everybody be themselves.

Skido Ortiz: 08:30

I used to get aggravated and go, yo, why are you worrying about that? Why are you so sensitive about that? Till I prayed and God was like, let everybody be them. Everybody's not you. Don't try to put you in them.

Skido Ortiz: 08:41

Let them be them.

DeShawn Snow: 08:44

Have to work on that too.

Skido Ortiz: 08:45

Yeah. That's why I could tell you, I could relate, that sometimes we we moving a 100 miles, they moving 20. Yeah. But you gotta come down and meet them

DeShawn Snow: 08:53

because of this, you

Skido Ortiz: 08:54

know, emotions and feelings, everybody, man or woman,

DeShawn Snow: 08:57

everybody's So have you ever had, like, a situation where a friend, like, showed up for you where you really needed it?

Skido Ortiz: 09:03

Yes. Okay. Tell me a little bit I have man, I have friends show up to me different times because I

DeShawn Snow: 09:10

showed up

Skido Ortiz: 09:11

You you would think the people that was around you showing up, and they disappeared. Then I have some come out the blue, like, yo, man, I love you, man. I love you. I love your family. I wanna what can I do?

Skido Ortiz: 09:21

Mhmm. You know what I'm saying? And I'm hard to for me, been taking care of myself all my life. The thing I have one problem. I know what I I know when I do something for somebody, I don't there's nothing behind it.

DeShawn Snow: 09:36

Yes.

Skido Ortiz: 09:37

There's no it's just solid, and I forget about it. But when people ain't like that, so I'd rather give than receive. Mhmm. Because I don't know what's gonna I don't know what your intentions are, but I know when you're doing something, it's always for something. And then that bothers me.

Skido Ortiz: 09:52

And then but

DeShawn Snow: 09:53

Or if they do

Skido Ortiz: 09:54

it, they Yeah. But now learning, it comes with life. So let them be whatever they're gonna be. Just do me.

DeShawn Snow: 10:00

Just do you. Yeah. Okay. All right. So then let's talk about navigating conflict.

Skido Ortiz: 10:06

This one. You gotta hit this one first. I gotta hit this one first.

DeShawn Snow: 10:09

Friendships and No.

Skido Ortiz: 10:10

Now you tell me.

DeShawn Snow: 10:11

This is a hot topic for us because we are friends, but we're also partners, business partners. Talk. Talk. And so, anyway, so navigating relationship. We are totally different people.

DeShawn Snow: 10:25

And I know we had a little tiff. Not a tiff. It was just wasn't was what it was.

Skido Ortiz: 10:31

We just We we speak

DeShawn Snow: 10:33

in We disagreement.

Skido Ortiz: 10:34

Let's keep it a 100.

DeShawn Snow: 10:35

What would you call it?

Skido Ortiz: 10:36

It was it was We was at the table having a meet We agreed or disagree.

DeShawn Snow: 10:40

Right.

Skido Ortiz: 10:41

But sometimes Go ahead. Especially I want

DeShawn Snow: 10:43

you to believe And so anyways, I I felt I was not being heard.

Skido Ortiz: 10:47

Yeah. I got it.

DeShawn Snow: 10:48

And so a lot of times, what I will do is just shut down. Okay. Because I'm like, I'm not gonna keep saying the same thing over and over.

Skido Ortiz: 10:53

I got you.

DeShawn Snow: 10:53

So I at the table while you were talking But it was other people, so it's not like you were talking directly to me and it was one or No, no, just wanna set the stage. It was a lot of people. Was a group conversation. And I was just pulling out my phone, checking my emails, sending text messages

Skido Ortiz: 11:09

to Being rude.

DeShawn Snow: 11:10

Well, I wasn't intentionally being rude, but you called me out on

Skido Ortiz: 11:14

it. I did?

DeShawn Snow: 11:15

Well, afterwards, not in the Oh, we talked.

Skido Ortiz: 11:17

Yeah, we talked. I got love for you. I love you.

DeShawn Snow: 11:19

Yeah, but and then you explained to me that that was hurtful because it was disrespectful. And it was not my intention to be disrespectful, but I felt it was disrespectful not listening to what I was saying.

Skido Ortiz: 11:29

And and and to on my and I'm I hear I heard you clear, we talked after. And you said, know, that's something I gotta work on. Yes. And I say, you know what, son, I gotta work on my patience. Because I don't don't have emotions and feelings.

Skido Ortiz: 11:44

I be really I mean, I don't get like, oh, you're my I don't I don't have that in me. Yeah. But I feel for the people around me. You understand?

Karesia Davis: 11:52

Mhmm.

Skido Ortiz: 11:52

So when I say I'm always standing up for the people around me, like, listen, you might have not hurt me, but you hurt the other two. They might have they might have needed your attention with everything. But when you shut down when you're hurt, it it shuts down, and I'm understanding that. You know I'm saying? I mean, I'm understanding how people do different things when they're upset or don't feel heard.

Skido Ortiz: 12:12

And that's why we had a great discussion.

DeShawn Snow: 12:13

So, I guess, you know, I'm working on that. I mean, I can work on that. I will work on that.

Skido Ortiz: 12:18

Hey, whatever worked for you, man. You know, the only thing we could do is be better. We can't be the same. Yes. You understand?

Skido Ortiz: 12:25

And if you ain't taking truth from family and friends, then you you trapped in your own head, in your bubble. You ain't gonna you'll never grow in life.

DeShawn Snow: 12:33

That's true.

Skido Ortiz: 12:34

You'll never and then you gotta wonder something. Y'all be trying, and I didn't wanna do that, and I'm a throw this at you. Y'all be wanting relationships, but you gotta change within yourself to get a relationship. And sometimes you be thinking, what's wrong with them? And sometimes it

DeShawn Snow: 12:47

be what's wrong What's the common denominator?

Skido Ortiz: 12:48

It's that's wrong with you, but you ain't So when men talk, they feel certain things. But if you're trapped in your own bubble and the way you set, it might not be attractive to men or women, I'm not just judging, but

DeShawn Snow: 13:01

Yeah.

Skido Ortiz: 13:02

And in your way, I'm throwing something at you, like, you know, women are going through it, men are going through it. You have to learn to change.

Karesia Davis: 13:09

That's true.

Skido Ortiz: 13:09

You can't be the same person stuck in your ways. And how do you feel about that?

DeShawn Snow: 13:13

No, I agree, because I often wonder how it will be when I do finally get in a relationship. Get in. -Because not that I'm so set in my ways, but I've been by myself for so long. And I do have a, I don't know, I can't tolerate, like, mediocracy

Skido Ortiz: 13:33

your face? You're serious.

DeShawn Snow: 13:35

So I don't you know, and I know with men, respect is big, love is big for women, respect is big for men. I don't not that I would intentionally disrespect, but I think maybe my nonverbals and my cadence and stuff like that might come off as disrespectful.

Skido Ortiz: 13:47

Well, actually, son, this is gonna be fun. So we're on a date, right? And I see your facial expressions, because you don't

DeShawn Snow: 13:53

make facial I'm very expressive.

Skido Ortiz: 13:55

Yeah, and I think your family be you know, as a man, I'm a tell you, when we look, we always see a queen. You're beautiful. You got all of that. We're looking. But when you get serious, that could shut a man down too.

Skido Ortiz: 14:05

They get men get intimidated. I I don't be know,

DeShawn Snow: 14:08

I must say, But you make serious in the face?

Skido Ortiz: 14:09

Yeah. They get one thing that irritates you, like, and they'll see it. Oh. And then they'll just stop talking. I'm just giving you the real.

DeShawn Snow: 14:17

I'm just giving you the Because, like, it's in my eyes or I stop smiling?

Skido Ortiz: 14:19

It just gets cold. What the nigga? What you talking about? That's the shit I

DeShawn Snow: 14:24

be seeing. I think I've been that too.

Skido Ortiz: 14:26

But it's real. That's that

DeShawn Snow: 14:28

deep have to try to post her face.

Skido Ortiz: 14:30

Atlanta and the big house. Detroit look be like, what?

DeShawn Snow: 14:34

I have to, you know, I wanna work on that because obviously I wanna, I don't wanna be like And I don't want anyone to feel bad. But I also don't want anyone that runs scared because I do that. Like, me You know, explain, like, you know, babe, don't

Skido Ortiz: 14:45

You're a boss, that's beautiful and And there's a lot of men that need that. But you gotta balance it. You can't be that. Boss is aggressive. Oh, I'm

DeShawn Snow: 14:55

happy to be soft.

Skido Ortiz: 14:55

No, no, no. There's nothing wrong with it. What you are is what you are. Men love women that are boss and stand up because they're not dependent on them all the time.

DeShawn Snow: 15:04

But I'm happy to not be.

Skido Ortiz: 15:05

No, but the thing it's working on is, especially, it's just like, I gotta know to balance it. And that's the big thing. I mean, what you think?

DeShawn Snow: 15:12

I agree. I agree. I mean, I have a lot to work, you know. But I have I need to practice.

Skido Ortiz: 15:18

So what I do Practice in the show, practice talks shit to me. Know, I don't think y'all say whatever.

DeShawn Snow: 15:21

Man to practice with in real Oh, no. Yeah. For the relationships. Because how do you get

Skido Ortiz: 15:27

to You ain't on there, but

DeShawn Snow: 15:29

I know what to do, you know, in my mind, but, you know

Skido Ortiz: 15:32

What would you mean? How you gonna practice?

DeShawn Snow: 15:33

I mean, I'm just saying, like, I am out of practice.

Skido Ortiz: 15:36

Go go in a mirror. Start making facial expressions when you're

DeShawn Snow: 15:38

talking to No. Wanna talk to somebody. A real No.

Skido Ortiz: 15:41

Don't know. Like, go in there. Be cute. You know, you look at a mirror. You're always looking in a camera.

Skido Ortiz: 15:46

Look at the mirror and just like, this

DeShawn Snow: 15:48

wanna look in a man's But

Skido Ortiz: 15:50

you gotta lock in a facial, because if you got facial impression problems, you gotta start practicing.

DeShawn Snow: 15:56

Impression problems. Okay. Fine. All right.

Skido Ortiz: 16:00

Go ahead.

DeShawn Snow: 16:00

What's up? Another thing we could talk about is nurturing relationships. And more so, this is personal and professional. So in this season of my life, I'm being very intentional. I have a lot of people, I know a lot of people.

DeShawn Snow: 16:12

And so I'm having to, like, reach out and initiate, meetings and things like that, which for me, that was I wasn't used to that. I mean, I wasn't as comfortable doing it because that's not what I had to do. Not that I have to do it now, but so many people before was reaching out to me.

Skido Ortiz: 16:30

I got you.

DeShawn Snow: 16:30

So because I want to be intentional and I'm challenging myself, I am doing that, and I'm having fun doing it. But what advice because I know your whole business, everything is built based on your relationships.

Skido Ortiz: 16:42

No, to go back to your question, you said people were always reaching out to you.

DeShawn Snow: 16:45

In the past.

Skido Ortiz: 16:45

It was because of the business and

DeShawn Snow: 16:47

reaching Well, out, they would call me. I wasn't called.

Skido Ortiz: 16:50

So now you're doing the calling?

DeShawn Snow: 16:51

Now I'm doing the calling.

Skido Ortiz: 16:52

And how does that feel?

DeShawn Snow: 16:53

It's a I'm getting used to it. I mean, I'm grateful that they've taken my calls, And I'm, you know, I'm pushing myself outside of my

Skido Ortiz: 17:01

comfort because you're building your brand.

DeShawn Snow: 17:02

Yeah. And I'm it's outside of my comfort zone, but I'm pushing myself outside of

Skido Ortiz: 17:06

the Really?

DeShawn Snow: 17:06

Because growth happens outside of the comfort zone.

Skido Ortiz: 17:08

That's what's up. I like that. Growth happens outside

DeShawn Snow: 17:11

of the Growth happens outside of the comfort You

Skido Ortiz: 17:13

hear it on TXT, why I'm doing this, because this is fly. Go ahead, sorry.

DeShawn Snow: 17:17

So how do you differentiate,

Skido Ortiz: 17:21

like,

DeShawn Snow: 17:21

you know, because you want I want genuine there's genuine relationships, and transactional relationships. You know, a lot of things is transactional, are transactional, but, you know, you wanna, when you build a relationship, you want it to be genuine.

Skido Ortiz: 17:33

-Yes.

DeShawn Snow: 17:33

-So talk to me a little bit about how your strategies and your, how you're intentionally building your relationships and nurturing those established relationships.

Skido Ortiz: 17:42

In business?

DeShawn Snow: 17:44

Isn't it the same across the board, or do you find it I

Skido Ortiz: 17:47

I just well, now you through years of being in this industry, I mean, and this is seventeen, eight, you know how to deal with people differently.

Karesia Davis: 17:56

Okay, yeah.

Skido Ortiz: 17:57

And one thing I learned is, you know, when you're doing business, to let them do more of the talking and you do more Yes. Yep. And then if you're in their home and you're in their business, let them host you, and let them talk and do most of Some people just talk and don't listen. Yeah. When you're in business, here's some advice.

Skido Ortiz: 18:15

Go in there. If he bring you in your company, if you're in his office or whatever, they wanna talk.

DeShawn Snow: 18:20

Mhmm.

Skido Ortiz: 18:21

Let them talk. You'll read it better. You'll know what to say. Just chill. They like that.

Skido Ortiz: 18:26

They like it. People wanna be heard. Even people that are worth hundreds of millions of dollars wanna be heard.

DeShawn Snow: 18:30

Right.

Skido Ortiz: 18:31

You know what I'm saying? And that's one thing I do good.

DeShawn Snow: 18:33

And then also I know it's important to add value. How can I so what are you working on? What can I do to help you? You know I'm saying? Add value.

DeShawn Snow: 18:40

Not asking them for anything, but seeing how you can serve them. That goes a long way as That goes

Skido Ortiz: 18:45

a long way too. Adding value is just, you know, knowing who you are knowing who you are as a boss, not allowing yourself to be-

DeShawn Snow: 18:56

Caught up either.

Skido Ortiz: 18:56

Caught up in their bullshit. But at the same time, keep your integrity, keep your, know, who you are as an authentic person, a real person, and just be you. Real recognizes real.

Karesia Davis: 19:09

Facts.

Skido Ortiz: 19:10

You understand? It's something I don't listen, I've been on a yacht. I've been sitting in rooms with people worth from 10,000,000 to 100,000,000. Just people. But all of that don't make them happy.

Skido Ortiz: 19:22

It doesn't make them a beautiful relationship or marriage. It doesn't make nothing. A empty person's an empty person.

DeShawn Snow: 19:30

That's right.

Skido Ortiz: 19:31

At that time, you gotta be filled. Don't let nobody drag you into their mess. Right. And keep staying on what you believe and staying on your shit.

DeShawn Snow: 19:39

But that takes confidence. Yes. Mean, so you have to be confident. You have to believe in what you believe Absolutely. Even in what

Skido Ortiz: 19:44

How you feeling right now? Aren't you feeling

DeShawn Snow: 19:46

different? I'm feeling You lit? Yeah, I am. I'm like, prepared to be sick of me.

Skido Ortiz: 19:51

It's on, fellas. She's on a different. -she's a mess.

DeShawn Snow: 19:56

But anyways She's

Skido Ortiz: 19:57

a wide mess. Pinked out, all that. See, come on. Y'all see what it is? I'm proud of you, man.

Skido Ortiz: 20:03

You became a long way.

DeShawn Snow: 20:04

I came a long way, Okay.

Skido Ortiz: 20:06

That's what's up.

DeShawn Snow: 20:07

So we're gonna continue the conversation, keep it going. We got Keresha in the house and she has her segment, Let's Talk About Let's Talk About It. After this, have Kay in the house.

Skido Ortiz: 20:18

You know Kay don't, she be speaking what she wanna say. It's at that D town of Detroit. Amen.

DeShawn Snow: 20:26

Welcome back to Ten Steps Ahead. I'm your girl, DeShawn Snow.

Skido Ortiz: 20:29

No Skido Ten Steps Ahead. I'm sorry.

DeShawn Snow: 20:32

And we got my baby sis Kay in the house.

Skido Ortiz: 20:35

Kay, you feel okay? So

DeShawn Snow: 20:37

what's going on, Kay? Let's talk about it.

Karesia Davis: 20:39

Alright. So let's talk about it. We have these brand new cards. They're so cute. There's nothing on there because this is gonna come straight from me.

Skido Ortiz: 20:51

It looks

DeShawn Snow: 20:52

so Work differently.

Karesia Davis: 20:53

Okay. So let's see. You I wanted to piggyback because you said something about friendships. Sure. What and this question's for both of y'all.

Karesia Davis: 21:01

What is a deal breaker for a friendship? Like, for me, it's like the one-sided friendship. Like, sometimes people do have the discernment to be in people's lives for a reason and a season, right? And sometimes it's hard for people to let that go. Sometimes their loyalty shine through more and it's hard to cut too even when they give you the scissors, right?

Karesia Davis: 21:21

So what would be a deal breaker, like, for a friendship for you? Would it be like messing with your man?

DeShawn Snow: 21:28

Well, you know, that happened to me, but that was when I was younger. It did. Yeah. And, you know, so, I mean, we're not gonna say no names. But when I was in high school, it was my very best friend.

DeShawn Snow: 21:39

Uh-huh. And she slept my boyfriend. I was so hurt. But, so,

Karesia Davis: 21:43

you know, I've grown,

DeShawn Snow: 21:44

I've grown, but no, it was Is she cookies? No, it wasn't her, that was somebody else.

Karesia Davis: 21:49

Because she get down. Kid Fresh was in the building.

DeShawn Snow: 21:51

Wasn't high, was, I stopped talking to her and I ended up talking back to the guy, that was wrong Crazy.

Karesia Davis: 21:57

That's the

DeShawn Snow: 21:58

wrong message. We do

Karesia Davis: 21:59

give men a whole bunch of chances

DeShawn Snow: 22:01

and when it

Karesia Davis: 22:01

comes to the argument with the chick, we get so ready to cut.

DeShawn Snow: 22:04

But in my adult life, though, I don't really fall out with friends because, you know, I will cut somebody off, but not the people that's close to me, I try not to cut them off. I don't cut them off.

Karesia Davis: 22:15

You try.

Skido Ortiz: 22:17

Try. Loyalty.

DeShawn Snow: 22:18

Loyalty. Yeah.

Skido Ortiz: 22:19

This loyalty

DeShawn Snow: 22:21

is And trust.

Skido Ortiz: 22:22

Just burns through me.

Karesia Davis: 22:23

Yeah. You

Skido Ortiz: 22:24

know what I'm saying? And and wanting the best for me, just as much as I want the best for you. Yeah. But when you're some trifling shit and you're on that bullshit, it's like, yo, I can't deal with that.

Karesia Davis: 22:34

But would it be like is it deal breaker for you, like, if somebody mess up a money deal or, like, somebody try to get at your girl? What about your ex girl?

Skido Ortiz: 22:42

Girl, I don't be like Okay, I'm a little different. If you get at

DeShawn Snow: 22:47

my girl

Skido Ortiz: 22:48

and she entertained that you got out

Karesia Davis: 22:49

She was never your girl, boom.

Skido Ortiz: 22:50

I'm a real man. Don't care about that. Like, you trying get at my wife and you trying to do that, I'm putting hands on you. And then I'm letting you go. That's just how I move.

Skido Ortiz: 23:00

Because you in my house, that means all that shit start playing in my head. You wasn't coming in with respect. You walk in my house, you eating at my table, you doing all that shit. That shit, a lot of people get hurt. Yeah.

Skido Ortiz: 23:11

I'm not saying hurt and sometimes killed. I'm not on that.

DeShawn Snow: 23:14

Has that ever happened to you?

Skido Ortiz: 23:17

Not that I know of.

DeShawn Snow: 23:18

Okay.

Skido Ortiz: 23:19

You know, I don't know what had happened behind it that I don't know of, but it's never been in front of me where somebody's gonna walk around saying I did that.

Karesia Davis: 23:25

Yeah. Yeah.

Skido Ortiz: 23:26

I definitely put hands on you.

Karesia Davis: 23:27

Now, is that from an egotistical standpoint, or is that

Skido Ortiz: 23:30

just what it No, I don't. Like, because even my exes, whatever, I wouldn't know if who hooked up, if they got married. Now, I don't care. You know what I'm But at the time, it was never in front of me that somebody disrespected me or did it. Now, when I was younger, I had a girl that would break my heart when I was 13.

Skido Ortiz: 23:45

That shit hurt like hell. Aw. Then she went remember her in Yonkers, or say her name.

DeShawn Snow: 23:50

No. Don't say her name. Said don't say her out,

Skido Ortiz: 23:53

and she keeps me now. She broke my

DeShawn Snow: 23:54

heart. I

Skido Ortiz: 23:55

tried to go over 50. I'm more for garnish like a little kid. I was like, oh.

DeShawn Snow: 23:59

You're not too calling

Karesia Davis: 24:00

her out.

DeShawn Snow: 24:00

And she

Skido Ortiz: 24:00

told me 50. That was the last time I ever felt I wanted to feel that hurt again. But that was when, really, when she left me for

Karesia Davis: 24:08

the Now speaking on relationships, I got one more question. Yeah. Because, you know, I gotta wrap it up. No. Let me see.

Karesia Davis: 24:15

Let's see. When you let's how about dealing with somebody during your healing stages? Because now, you know, sis is all like, she's out here. She's ready to date, like, ready. But could you possibly say that you could still be in your healing stages right now?

Karesia Davis: 24:31

How does that look? Because sometimes the man catch the backlash from stuff that you should be working on. Right. You know what I'm saying? And then that don't mesh well with And then y'all don't make it.

Karesia Davis: 24:41

And then you go back to another one and so on and so forth.

DeShawn Snow: 24:44

So I think I am a lot healing is evolving. I mean, it's this evolution of healing, right? I mean, I'm a lot further along than what I used to And even my mindset, I'm not operating from a place of brokenness, so ideally I'm not gonna attract brokenness. So, I think before, because I tried to date, and I wasn't completely healed, I was trying to date, but then I was attracting brokenness.

Karesia Davis: 25:09

The clowns.

DeShawn Snow: 25:09

The clowns.

Karesia Davis: 25:10

Okay.

DeShawn Snow: 25:10

Okay, it's established

Karesia Davis: 25:11

that Universal. A couple of clowns.

DeShawn Snow: 25:16

Right. But, But I think you can still talk to people, and you can't just wait till you fully heal. Like, life is about having, like

Karesia Davis: 25:22

And it's not fully healing, it's just certain things. Like, you know, you didn't trust a man, so now all of a sudden when he don't answer the phone, now you tripping. Like, now you got your GPS trying find Like,

DeShawn Snow: 25:33

trust. Like, I I don't really maybe it should, but I don't have

Skido Ortiz: 25:36

trust issues. And from the man's point of it, and that's a great question, I'm just this is when the man goes into a relationship knowing what it is, if it's too early, his job is to make you feel secure.

DeShawn Snow: 25:48

Right.

Skido Ortiz: 25:49

Period. Phones are there. Everything's open. You know where I'm at. I'm not hiding nothing because I'm comfortable.

Skido Ortiz: 25:55

They could light whatever. And if she start tripping, it's okay, because they gotta understand you came from something that's cheated on you, so you're devastated. But you gotta balance that shit too, because you start putting too much on a person that's real with you, you'll lose them.

Karesia Davis: 26:09

You're gonna lose them. Now, if you flip that from a man perspective, because men have they healing seasons too.

Skido Ortiz: 26:14

Yes, it takes time. But men got this thing where sleeping with somebody and laying down with somebody doesn't heal you.

Karesia Davis: 26:22

Y'all run from emotions.

Skido Ortiz: 26:23

Yeah, like we just think that's bad. That just makes it worse. But if they learn to be patient and learn to just take time for themselves, just like women, they'll go into another situation better. They won't take out that backlash on that woman. They don't deserve that.

DeShawn Snow: 26:39

So you're saying men don't do that?

Skido Ortiz: 26:40

Yeah, they do that. Yeah. We just do it different. Either we're sleeping around to fight off the pain Mhmm. Or we're just or we're bringing more pain.

DeShawn Snow: 26:48

Right.

Skido Ortiz: 26:49

You get what I'm saying? But nobody knows how to take time for themselves. We're we're hard headed like that.

Karesia Davis: 26:54

Yeah. Because y'all like to not deal or identify the emotion that you're feeling from the previous relationship. You don't have be in with somebody else, but that mental gets stuck, and it messes up the relationship.

Skido Ortiz: 27:04

So We're prideful, hard headed, and it takes a lot of hitting in our in our head to realize we need to change and do things different.

Karesia Davis: 27:12

Okay. And so what about athletes? I see the little wave is, you know, the girlies are dating a lot of athletes now. Cardi B with I think his name is Stephan.

Skido Ortiz: 27:25

That's what think.

Karesia Davis: 27:26

You got Cashed Out with old boy. What, since you are like a vet and dating these and dating an athlete, Well,

DeShawn Snow: 27:34

married to but I have married.

Karesia Davis: 27:36

I said vet now. What you want what thought

DeShawn Snow: 27:38

you Well, just need to clarify, because you said dating,

Karesia Davis: 27:41

she got with him before he had a ball. Let's clear

DeShawn Snow: 27:43

that up.

Karesia Davis: 27:44

Let's clear that up.

Skido Ortiz: 27:44

Did you date an athlete?

Karesia Davis: 27:45

We started out. And I

DeShawn Snow: 27:47

will date athletes after.

Skido Ortiz: 27:48

What's the difference? She's like, what's

Karesia Davis: 27:49

go ahead. So what would be some advice that you would probably Do you think dating an athlete, is it more like glam, glitz and glam? Is it all about the glitz and glam or No, I mean, obviously Is that something that you would do again or would you encourage somebody to do it again?

DeShawn Snow: 28:05

I wouldn't So basically, what I would say is you have to be secure in who you are and have your own stuff going on. But yes, I would date again, an athlete again, I wouldn't, like I mean, you know, athletes have this reputation, and a lot of athletes do mess up, but I'm not gonna be like, I'm not gonna never talk to an athlete again.

Karesia Davis: 28:23

Well, it's not I don't think it's really a reputation because it's, like, out there. Like, I think because of the mentality, like, mental They have all The pressures that they hold, they kinda do take it out on women. You know, like, you got a lot on Instagram where you see football players dragging women and just want to start chilly.

DeShawn Snow: 28:40

But that's not, that's not, that's a weak man. That's not like a because they're a athlete. It's because they because you shouldn't be talking about no I mean, you dragging a woman, what would

Karesia Davis: 28:48

you Whether you got a football or not, you're whole ass nigga. Remember I bought it up Yes. Whole ass nigga.

DeShawn Snow: 28:54

I wouldn't call it that, but yes. That's what

Skido Ortiz: 28:56

she wants

DeShawn Snow: 28:57

to would

Karesia Davis: 28:57

call it a clown. She wants to say whole ass nigga song.

DeShawn Snow: 29:00

I'm a say it. A Clown.

Karesia Davis: 29:02

There we go.

Skido Ortiz: 29:03

Nigga, negro.

Karesia Davis: 29:05

Yeah. Well, whatever you wanna use use a hoe. Use You not right, and your mama needs to know.

DeShawn Snow: 29:10

But it needs to be, like, you know, people think like, oh, you know, it's not Not ugly. Not No, I mean, for the situation with me, like, We were together freshman year in college. I was with him before all this We came into that together. You didn't even know

Karesia Davis: 29:24

he was a basketball player for the college.

DeShawn Snow: 29:26

Yeah, we met and, yep. And then I had a boyfriend and then we, so we dated after we You ain't even

Karesia Davis: 29:32

need a nigga. No, right.

DeShawn Snow: 29:34

I know, it's not about needing, but so, we have a relation, because I can imagine for an athlete it could be hard not knowing if the girl is there because of they like you or because of what you So I think in that respect they are guarded or they try to be, you know, how they act because of that. But I think once you have a real one and somebody that was with you from the beginning, then you should do what you need to do to keep A A what? A real one.

Karesia Davis: 29:58

Oh, that's that D coming out, baby. Okay, so,

Skido Ortiz: 30:02

you know And that's to piggyback off that, me being in the industry dealing with these athletes, a lot of them, they don't know. But they're not taught anything. They're not schooled. They're paying for these

DeShawn Snow: 30:16

Which makes no sense to me.

Skido Ortiz: 30:17

Why you gotta pay for And they spend 100,000 on a mile 200 because they don't have no game. Right. Oh. See, they've been playing sports all their life, age. That's weird.

DeShawn Snow: 30:27

They not have no game. All

Skido Ortiz: 30:28

that money games. That. But they never because they little fly, they all that. But even the fly dudes be corny because they don't Game is game.

Karesia Davis: 30:36

They really don't got no street smarts, for No, for They so

Skido Ortiz: 30:39

used to being coached. Just know that to just Louis Vuitton, money, money, money, money. They're not like, nah, they can't size up the woman because nobody They've been playing sports, but nobody been teaching them game. That's the other thing with consulting. Like, now they come out of there wildly, spending millions of dollars, and then they meet the woman or the wrong woman.

Skido Ortiz: 31:01

I'm not gonna call her stripper or all that because it's business to business. Women, I know nice strippers, just good women, but Exactly. No, you know what I'm saying?

Karesia Davis: 31:07

Exactly. Exactly. But, yeah. Yeah, I understand that part.

Skido Ortiz: 31:13

No, no, good people.

DeShawn Snow: 31:14

Know? They are great.

Karesia Davis: 31:14

Great. Great. Yeah.

DeShawn Snow: 31:17

So, would you ever date an athlete? I don't think we should stereolite what you dated.

Karesia Davis: 31:21

No, was about to ask, like, from your because you are a male, so from your perspective, do you think that it even matters about dating whether For me, I don't think the position matters. It's you I you have dealt with dope boys, you have dealt with boys that hold balls, eight balls. Like, whatever the case may be, you understand? Like, if you you know what I If you do eight

DeShawn Snow: 31:43

balls, make eight balls.

Skido Ortiz: 31:43

If you want my opinion Don't dope.

DeShawn Snow: 31:45

I don't know

Skido Ortiz: 31:45

if my opinion having a daughter, I just want everybody I just want a person to be a gentleman and treat my daughter as a That's right. Y'all worrying about how much money. I know people like I said, you don't know their issues. They're gonna give you money and treat you like shit. What do you want?

Skido Ortiz: 32:02

You wanna be treated like shit or like a queen?

DeShawn Snow: 32:04

True.

Skido Ortiz: 32:04

You wanna have the best in life, or you wanna be part of five or 10 other girls that are having the same thing? A man is a man. If he can take care of you, I ain't saying a broke man, man should know how to take care

Karesia Davis: 32:17

of Financial stability.

Skido Ortiz: 32:17

Financial stability. Ain't happiness the key to making you? Some people ain't sad about it. That's my opinion. Don't put a title on him.

Skido Ortiz: 32:26

If he work hard and take care of you good see, they don't know that till later. Then they want that We don't get that in the they don't get that in the beginning. You get that later after you've been beat up and used and abused. My thing

Karesia Davis: 32:38

go to the nice man?

Skido Ortiz: 32:39

Look for them in the beginning.

Karesia Davis: 32:40

Yeah. Some new ones you kinda skip over. Yeah. But you know, my son, shout out to him, he said the other day when we was kicking it, he was like, Ma, you know, people tend to love the ones that hurt them and hurt the ones that love them. Right?

Karesia Davis: 32:55

That was E18.

Skido Ortiz: 32:56

E18 again? Shout out to my son.

Karesia Davis: 32:59

He my son.

Skido Ortiz: 33:00

You gonna tease it all right. He gonna be all Yeah.

Karesia Davis: 33:02

You know, so I don't, like, I don't think some people might stay in the situation for the money or some people might stay in it because they don't have nothing and and they might want that sense of security. Mhmm. So people put up with a lot of stuff. But I think whether you're an athlete or you work at McDonald, a nigga gonna be a nigga regard a man gonna be a man regardless. Right?

Karesia Davis: 33:24

And if he want if he decides to treat you in that manner, he gonna treat you in that manner. My uncle used to say, you know, you would wanna get cheated on by a broke nigga or a paid nigga, either either one. He still gonna do it.

DeShawn Snow: 33:34

He still I wanna say to you though, with my friends a lot of my friends that were married and now divorced from NBA players and stuff, and even I see people saying stuff, like, nobody's in it for the they don't just stay for the money because you can still get the money by leaving,

Karesia Davis: 33:50

-some -It's not about -Some people, because if you came from nothing, right, or not even necessarily nothing,

DeShawn Snow: 33:55

if you

Karesia Davis: 33:56

came from a struggle

Skido Ortiz: 33:57

the marriage is one thing, but if you came from nothing

Karesia Davis: 33:59

If you came from a struggle and somebody put you up in a position not to go back through that struggle with your family

DeShawn Snow: 34:05

Right.

Karesia Davis: 34:05

It kinda crossed the line. I mean, every man that pays financially, there's always some benefit to the female. So they kinda put up with it. I saw some females be like, I mean, nigga, you want me to I'm not about to let you talk to me crazy and I still gotta figure this bill out at the end of the day, you know? So some people had their reasons, but I was just wondering because it's like everybody just it seemed like a wave, not how they just picking athletes and

DeShawn Snow: 34:28

I think they're just making it trendy and stuff. I don't think it's

Karesia Davis: 34:31

I mean,

DeShawn Snow: 34:31

it's nothing new on this show.

Karesia Davis: 34:32

They're coming from warm relationship, rappers, whatever, in the industry, and then they going over to

DeShawn Snow: 34:37

that I could see them being used to that type of lifestyle. Not necessarily money, just everything. I know

Karesia Davis: 34:44

chicks I went to school with that they NFL players now, but I also know those that left them too. So, you know.

Skido Ortiz: 34:50

And, you know, athlete, whatever it is, man, I just want all y'all to be happy and just Right, sir. And watch game. Whenever you allow somebody in your house and anybody you're trying to allow into your life, take your time and get to know him. Don't be jumping in because he driving up or pulling up because he could be crazy too. You know, on that note, man Max.

Skido Ortiz: 35:09

That's what I want to

DeShawn Snow: 35:10

tell Let's Let's go.

Skido Ortiz: 35:12

Let's go.

DeShawn Snow: 35:13

All right, everyone. Well, we thank you for tuning in today's episode of Ten Steps Ahead.

Skido Ortiz: 35:18

We'll you soon.

DeShawn Snow: 35:18

We'll catch you on the next episode . Love and light.

Skido Ortiz: 35:22

Loving it. Next episode. Let's go.